


A Reason To Live

by BakaBukas101



Category: Mamamoo
Genre: Angst, F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-20
Updated: 2019-05-28
Packaged: 2019-10-13 09:34:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,739
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17485664
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BakaBukas101/pseuds/BakaBukas101
Summary: Moonbyul didn't want to learn how to live without the love of her life...until one night she has to...and she did.





	1. Chapter 1

_How do you even continue living when the reason you want to live is no longer in the same world you live in?_

Its been the question that kept replaying on Moonbyul's mind ever since an accident took the love of her life away from her.

They were so happy.

They dreamed of having a family together.

Her day consists of making sense of why her wife was taken so soon; making sense of why she was left living so miserably; revisiting the memories of when they first met until that one fatal day.

…With alcohol of course.

Seulgi, her best friend, kept telling her that its very unhealthy to drink the pain away, especially when her system only consists of alcohol. Seulgi thinks its suicide, and Moonbyul agrees. What's even the point of living without her Yongsun? She wants to be with her in the afterlife. But Moonbyul is afraid that if she takes away her life right then, she might not be allowed to enter the prealy gates of heaven where Yongsun is.

So she wakes up everyday, existing but not really. She feels like a body without a soul. She feels hollow inside. But she tries to live...for Yongsun.

And so, like every other day, Moonbyul finds a different bar to drown away her sorrow.

* * *

**Moonbyul's POV:**

When I entered the club I went straight to the bar. I didn't want to socialize with anyone. If Seulgi isn't at home to reprimand me I would've stayed in, but tough luck, she's a homebody. She would definitely nag at me for drinking, reminding me that its almost a year, but does it matter? Whether its 1, 2 or 10 years, Yongsun wouldn’t be here…not anymore. How does time supposed to make me feel better?

"Byulyi?" the bartender called after I settled in my seat.

I narrowed my eyes, trying to recognize if she's someone I know.

"Hey." I said not knowing what to call her considering I don't know her name.

"I knew it was you. For a minute I thought you were someone else because you seem...different." She stated looking directly at me.

But I looked away. I'm not used to people staring at me so bluntly.

Different. That’s one way to put it. I could never be the same.

She tilted her head. "You don't remember me, do you?"

I just smiled. I don't know if I should pretend to know her or not.

"I'm Wheein." She said offering her hand, introducing herself probably for the second time.

I took her hand and shook it. "I'm sorry, I..."

"It was probably months ago but I literally bumped into you while I was jogging, and I apologized and I had the urge to ask you out for coffee and you turned me down." She rambled adorably.

"I said that?" I replied. I smiled bitterly, I was probably too focused on Yongsun to even notice this beautiful girl. If it were any other circumstance I would’ve remembered her. "Because I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be able to resist your charms." I said honestly, maybe I’m a little rusty at flirting. Wait- no I’m definitely not flirting at her.

Its stupid. I feel like I’m cheating at my wife when I don’t even have one anymore.

She smiled, "Said the woman who turned me down by flashing her wedding ring at me." She jabbed playfully. "You didn't even take a second look." She added.

Oh right. That’s very Moonbyul of me to do.

"Which you aren't wearing by the way." She noticed, staring at my ring finger with a questioning look.

"Oh." I placed my hand on my pocket. "I just forgot to wear it." I reasoned, which is half true.

"Oh." She replied leaning on the bar with her chin resting on her hand.

There was silence in the air until she spoke again. "I thought you didn't drink."

I looked up at her to see if it's me she's still talking to. "How'd you know?" I asked, considering that 'I' just bumped into her one time, its funny how she would know that.

She shrugged. "Well, my exact words were, 'Let me make it up to you and buy you a drink.'" I smirked at how cliché and smooth she was at the same time. "But you turned me down again and told me that you don't drink, and I told you that I'm talking about coffee but you just chuckled and flashed your ring at me oh so proudly—seriously, do you still not remember, because I thought I made an impact somehow."

I giggled, _God she's adorable._ "I'm just playing with you, of course I remember." I lied.

She pouted. "You're so mean."

I just chuckled and then there was silence again.

But like before she was the one to speak again. "You know, something's really different about you." She said while observing me.

I felt uncomfortable as she looks at me, I feel like she could see right through me. "How can you say that? We've only met once."

"It's your eyes." She stated as she looked at me, and then smiled, "They're the most beautiful pair of eyes I've ever seen."

I furrowed my brows. I don't understand how that answered my question.

"You have bright brown eyes which reflect how happy you are with your life." She stated. "But now..." I felt uncovered under her gaze. "They're just dull."

I don't know if I should be offended considering that she find my eyes dull right now, but then again she is right, I am way happier then so maybe that has something to do with that. "Do I look that miserable to you?" I joked.

She just shrugged. "You see, you can truly know someone by looking straight into their eyes, its like a window to a person's soul as others put it." She said still looking at me.

"I can tell that you obviously like eye contact." I stated playfully. I planned on looking straight at her as well but I decided to look away instead.

She chuckled and raised both her arms, "Guilty."

"Well...what do you see?" I asked with curiosity.

"What?" she asked.

"What do you see when you look into my eyes?" I asked more elaborately.

She looked straight into my eyes again, this time I didn't look away. "Well," she cleared her throat. "I see grief. Opposite from the joy you had when we first met."

 _Grief._ I guess she could really peek into my soul. I couldn't help but look at my ring finger where a promise once rested. I didn't expect my marriage with Yongsun to end so abruptly, to think that we were planning to have kids.

"You didn't just forget to wear it, did you?" she asked hesitantly, she probably didn't want to step on any boundaries.

I nodded. I know I shouldn't have. But I just couldn't help but be honest with her. She seemed to be a breath of fresh air in this life full of misfortune. Maybe, I could have one person that I can be myself with; maybe that wouldn't be as selfish as it sounds in my head.

"Can I ask what happened?"

"It's complicated." I simply answered.

She nodded with understanding.

"Let's just say that I wouldn't say I'm married anymore, but at the same time, I wouldn't say that I'm available at the moment." I answered vaguely.

"At the moment?" she asked smiling, her deep dimples appearing.

"Yeah." I nodded.

"I guess I can wait." She mumbled, but the smirk on her face tells me that she wanted me to hear it.

"What?" I asked smiling, pretending that I didn't hear.

"Wheein-ah. I don't pay you to flirt with our customers." A tanned girl with black hair appeared beside her which reminded me that we weren't alone in this room. I was so caught up in the moment that I almost thought that the world consists of only me and her.

"Oh shut up, Hyejin." She said casually while rolling her eyes at her boss; this girl is really something.

She might've seen the shock in my face so she clarified, "She's not my boss. She's a co-owner of this club. We're partners." I was about to say something when she clarified, "Business partners."

"Sup! I'm Ahn Hyejin." The other girl introduced herself reaching out for my hand which I gladly obliged, and so we shook hands. "You are?"

"Moon Byulyi." I replied.

"So you're the orange-haired beauty that Wheein talks about." The taller girl said.

I looked at Wheein for an explanation.

"I don't talk about her!" Wheein exclaimed to her friend Hyejin, then faced me, "I don't talk about you." She said directing at me this time.

"Oh, Wheepup, stop being in denial, you kept on jogging in that park because you said you wanted to bump into her again, and you were upset that it never happened." Hyejin said casually and Wheein is now blushing furiously.

I couldn't help but laugh.

"That's not true!" she said trying to look serious but failed miserably. "Oh my God! Ahn Hyejin go serve some customers." She said shoving Hyejin away but the taller girl didn't budge.

Hyejin had an amused smile plastered on her face, "Well it was nice meeting you, Byulyi-ssi." She said to me. "I better give her the alone time she wants." She said before walking away that made the two of us laugh.

"Shut up." The small blonde girl told her friend while covering her face with her hands, obviously embarrassed.

After Hyejin left, Wheein was silent once again, but this time she can't even look at me.

"So..." I started, seeing that she's too shy to speak first. I cleared my throat and continued, "Do you want to join me get drunk?"

She furrowed her brows; she seemed tempted by the idea. "I'm not sure that's a good idea. But I'll give you company if you like."

"That would be just as great, I'd like that." I said before ordering a vesper martini.

We talked for about two hours while I occasionally take shots of my martini, she didn't drink just as she said. She said she needed to stay sober because she has other things to do like making sure everything's in place before closing the club.

I wasn't ready to let my guards down, even though the girl in front of me is making me do just that. I feel comfortable around her. For a moment I don't remember the pain.

I feel guilty for being happy, as if it invalidates my love for Yongsun. Yongsun has been my source of happiness for so long that I don’t know how to be happy without her.

It feels like trying to find things that will make me happy will mean that I’m trying to replace her.

But this girl, with her beautiful smile and her dimples as deep as a well makes me feel like everything is in its right place. Somehow it feels like I’m about to make sense of why I still exist on this Earth without Yongsun.

When I noticed the time it was already 1am in the morning, I was about to brush it off but I suddenly remembered that Seulgi is waiting for me at home.

So I bid Wheein a farewell, this goodbye isn't so hard...knowing fully well that it wouldn’t be the last time I’ll see her.

 

 

 


	2. Rain Check

**Moonbyul's POV:**

I decided to pass the club that Wheein owned with her friend.

I told Seulgi about her yesterday because I have to give her a reason why I was home late. And the girl was too enthusiastic about it.

She encouraged me to have a rain check on that coffee date that Wheein offered.

I agreed, because its either that or she'd give me another lecture about how I should get back to dating, take a step to moving on, and I really had heard enough of her speech that would end up with her giving me potential 'prospects' that I might spark my interest.

_As if anyone that isn't Yongsun is interesting enough._

"Moonbyul?" Wheein greeted, she obviously didn't expect me to visit any time soon since I supposedly don't drink.

"Moonbyul?" I asked, not expecting to hear someone call me that...at least not for a long time.

"Yeah. Isn't that your name?" She asked, suddenly unsure. "I'm pretty sure that's what's written on your cap yesterday."

_Yongsun's first gift to me._

I gave her a questioning look. "So if Addidas was written on my cap, you'd call me Addidas?"

She rolled her eyes, "Your name is Moon Byulyi, right? That's what you said when we first met...so I figured Moonbyul is your nickname."

"Yeah. But please don't call me Moonbyul." I said before I could stop myself.

_Solar's the only one who calls me that._

Although when its coming from her it doesn't sound so bad, but the memories that comes with it is too strong to hear it regularly.

"Oh...so only your friends are allowed to call you that. Got it." She concludes.

I shake my head. "No. Just...no one calls me that anymore."

She furrowed her brows and tilted her head, she seemed like she wanted to know why but she doesn't question it, "What am I supposed to call you then?"

"I don't know; anything you want." I shrugged. It didn't really matter. Its not like I'd be seeing her often. Even Byulyi is better than Moonbyul.

"Okay, ' _anything-I-want_ ', what brought you here?" she said winking at me, her dimples peeking on her right cheek.

I laughed at how cute her attempt of flirting was. "You are such a dork." I rolled my eyes, smiling at her.

"Said the girl who don't want to be called by her own name." she commented.

I just shrugged. She doesn't question it.

"But really though, what brought you here?" she asked, her eyes full of questions, as if a woman going to a bar is strange.

"I want a beer." I replied, "You know; because that's what people usually want when they go to a bar."

"No you don't." she contests, smiling confidently.

"What?" I asked, taken aback at her confidence.

"You're lying." She simply said.

I barely know her but she acts as if she can see right through me. I'm still trying to decide if I like that or not.

"What, you can tell that by looking at my eyes too?" I joked, remembering her remark yesterday.

I was about to laugh but she nodded.

"Really?" I asked in amusement.

"Well, you aren't exactly a good liar either." She shrugged. _That's what Yongsun used to say._

"Okay." I surrendered, being reminded of my wife, I suddenly didn't have the energy to protest. "You got me."

"Ha! I knew it!" she said proudly, like a puppy catching the freesbie thrown at her.

Maybe it was her cheerful energy, as if she hadn't had her heart broken, that made me smile; it was contagious.

I remember how Yongsun could manage to make me smile so easily, even in my bad days, when I'm not in the mood to smile at all.

How I wish it could stay that way, but it can never happen anymore and the thought that I'll never see her smile is very daunting.

"So why are you really here?" She asks, snapping me out of my reverie.

"I'm here to check if you would still want to make up for bumping into me..." I confessed, letting my question hang, hoping that she gets what I'm trying to say.

Dating now seemed like a waste of time. I bet my life that I'd never find someone like Yongsun, nor do I plan on searching for one; I'd never be able to love someone to that extent anyway.

But maybe it wouldn't be so bad to have a friendly date? Just to keep me busy while I'm waiting for my time to expire on this world...I could use one more friend, other than Seulgi.

"I would love that." She replied without waiting for me to finish. "But..." she said glancing at my ring finger. _Shoot! I forgot that I wore it again last night._  I instantly placed my left hand beneath my pocket. "I can't." She declines softly, as if she herself regrets her answer.

"Oh." I said trying to hide my disappointment. _Wait_ \- I'm not that disappointed, its not like its a big deal or anything.

But I guess my eyes betrayed me. "I uh—I don't know if I should." She clarified.

"No. I totally understand." I assured her.

"How about a rain check?" she asked hesitantly yet hopefully.

I raised an eyebrow.

She fidgeted with her hands. "You know? When you're already okay. When you've fixed things..." she searched for the right words. "...at home."

I have this war in my head. My selfish self is thinking that maybe I should just tell her the truth so I could take her out, but maybe its just right to let her be.

I don't want to lead her on. She seemed like a nice lady, I don't want to use her to bid my time here on earth.

I nodded with understanding.

"We've just met." She started. "And I really am interested in knowing you more but I have this feeling that it would be more than just that if I wouldn't be careful, and I don't want that to happen, not when you still have that ring on your finger." She rambled but her words totally made sense. _Well, at least I know that she's a decent lady who doesn't want to ruin any relationship._

 _Smart choice_. I'm not looking for anything serious and she seemed like someone who deserves to be taken seriously.

"Of course..." I nodded my head gently. "I guess, I'll see you around?"

"Wouldn't you want to stay though? To chat or something?" she asked hopefully.

I smiled at her. "Nah. I have a home to fix so that I could have a 'friendly' coffee date with this beautiful woman that I just met." I said sincerely yet I tried to sound sarcastic about it.

She giggled while her cheeks grew rosy pink. "Oh, shush."

I chuckled back. "Well, I'll see you around, Wheein."

"I hope to see you soon, Hamster." She grinned.

 _Hamster._ "You're cute." I winked, pointing my fingers at her like a gun.

She shrugged. "I try." She then winked back.

I shook my head laughing at how adorable she looked. "Bye, Wheepup."

Maybe this is better this way. I'll leave her out of this mess that I'm in right now. She's too precious to be caught up in my situation anyway.

 

* * *

 

**Wheein's POV:**

 

"Did I hear it right? You rejected pretty brown eyes?" Hyejin asked with a surprised but amused grin on her face. She came up to me as soon as Byul left.

"Of course you were listening." I said, rolling my eyes.

"What will happen to my ship now?" she pouted.

"What ship?" I asked, even though I know exactly what she's talking about. I've been on tumblr way too far often to not know what shipping meant, and obviously she's talking about Byul and I.

"The Wheebyul Ship." She replied.

I chuckled. "Wheebyul is a nice ship name." I commented, I felt silly feeling giddy about a our names being combined.

"Yes it is. So don't sink my ship before it even sails." My best friend remarked.

"She's married." I said simply. Its enough to answer her question. I would never want to come in between a relationship especially if it's bonded by marriage.

"But you told me last night that she wouldn't say she's married anymore." She asked, confused.

Hyejin assumed that Byulyi just filed or recently had a divorce or something. And that's what I thought too but I guess we were wrong. I didn't think seeing her wedding ring on her hand would hurt that much.

It was so stupid of me to even get hurt. She flashed it proudly on me the first time we met. It shouldn't hurt this way.

"She's still wearing her ring." I stated, more to myself than to her; trying to hide the disappointment in my voice. "So it's either she lied or she's still hung up on her wife or husband or whatever and just wants to forget for a night or so." I concluded.

"Aw, Wheein-ah." She stepped closer to me rubbing my back. "Maybe there's a bigger picture. You should ask her whatever it is that you're curious about and don't just conclude like that. She doesn't seem like a flirt bitch that would cheat on her wife or husband." She said trying to comfort me.

Maybe it doesn't matter. She seemed...complicated. And I don't think I can handle any complications in my life right now. I've never been good with complications.

"I don't know, Hyejin." I replied.

"You're the one who kept jogging on the park where you met her even after knowing that she's married. Remember how that even got you in trouble?" She states, as if I could forget such thing.

"And now she just asked you for coffee and you declined her." She stated, confusion was plastered on her face.

"That's because I am interested in her. It's just that I thought that maybe after I get to know her more and feed my curiosity this would all go away, but after having a conversation with her last night; I know that I would just get attached to her even more, and I don't think I can handle that feeling." I confessed.

"But you just gave each other these cute nicknames; and nothing makes things more attached than nicknames." She remarked, raising her pointer finger as if proving a point.

"I can't believe you listened to the whole thing." I said, shaking my head in disbelief.

"Well, I was just beside you." She pointed out. "If you didn't want me to hear your conversation then maybe you should've just went on a coffee shop or something to have some privacy." She smirked, pleased at herself with her reply.

"You think you're witty, huh?" I snickered.

She just shrugged. "I know I am."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N:
> 
> So uh...I decided to continue this.
> 
> I hope I made the right decision. Haha.
> 
> Please let me know your thoughts about this story.
> 
> Thank you!


	3. Lilies

**Wheein's POV:**

 

"Miss Byul hasn't visited the bar for a week." Hyejin stated. "Did you two had a fight I didn't know about?" She asks, resting her hands on her hip.

"No." I said, trying not to make a big deal about it. "And its not like you wouldn't know if we were to have an argument. You're always lurking like a spy." I remark.

"You have a point there." Hyejin chuckles, proud of herself. "I'm just looking out for you." She reasons. "She seems like a nice person, but we still have to make sure she's worthy of your time. You deserve someone who could take care of your heart well."

I cooed at her sincere concern. "I'll guard my heart well, Hyejin-ah." I assured her.

"Did she not text you?" Hyejin asks.

Byul has been going to the bar for 2 consecutive weeks. We even exchanged numbers already, but I haven't received a single text from her.

"No." I replied as casual as possible.

"Do you think it has something to do with her divorce?" Hyejin asks.

"She didn't say anything about divorce. I honestly don't know." I replied, getting irritated by the minute, not with Hyejin though, but with myself.

"I hope she's not lying about not being married anymore. I don't want to break her pretty face." Hyejin comments.

I should really stop being invested with people I barely know. I shouldn't be as disappointed as how I feel because she doesn't owe me any explanation but I can't help it.

"Hyejin-ah." I appreciate her protectiveness, but I don't want to get ahead of myself. Maybe I was just giving meaning to every single thing. "We're just friends. It really shouldn't matter what's up with her and her wife."

"She wouldn't bother telling you that she doesn't have a wife anymore if she's not interested in you." Hyejin points out. "Besides, no one would go to a bar everyday just to drink one bottle of beer and the  reject every person who comes onto her just to spend all her time talking to the bartender."

"Well, she never texted me so..." I trailed off.

"You never texted her too." Hyejin replies. "Communication is a two way street, Wheein." She points out.

"I just don't want to impose." I replied. It clearly looked like whatever is going on with her and her ex-wife or whatever- its not done yet. Like Byul herself isn't sure with the whole situation. 

"You're right. Have a safe distance, so if she ever tries anything...we're sure your heart can take it." Hyejin replies.

 

* * *

 

**Moonbyul's POV:**

 

Usually before this day comes, my mood is so bright that the sun seems dim compared to my mood.

Seulgi would help me with the preparations for my surprise for Yongsun a week before.

Today is our anniversay.

But instead of being excited about it, I've been dreading for it to come. This whole week I've been preparing myself for the disappointment that is today.

I should be waking up with Yongsun's kisses telling me that she prepared our breakfast, but instead I woke up with an empty bed and a heavy heart.

Seulgi is nice enough to accompany me at the flower shop to pick out the freshest lilies. Its her favorite.

Seulgi is my partner in crime when it comes to surprising Yong. Even though she's annoying as hell sometimes, she has always been so supportive, that's why I'm very thankful.

I wouldn't have survived losing Yong without losing my mind if it weren't for her. I wish she could've help me save my heart too, but my heart already belonged to Yong since the day we met, and she took it with her when she left.

Its okay I guess, I don't need it anymore. My heart has no use when I don't have her to love.

I was snapped out of my reverie when it was time for me to pay at the counter, the neatly arranged flowers were given to us.

Just as we stepped outside the flower shop I heard a familiar voice call my name. "Byul?” I turned around to see the owner of the voice.

“Hiiii!” Hyejin greeted as she walked towards me and Seulgi. "Long time no see."

  
“Hey, Hyejin.” I greeted back. I wasn't able to visit them for a week and I didn't know what excuse to say for not texting, I was genuinely caught up with today's date.  
  
“Those are lovely flowers you got there.” she remarked, referring to the bouquet of flowers that I almost forgot I was holding.

She isn’t supposed to see this because she might get the wrong idea. I want to hide them but it’s obviously too late to do that now. She was already wondering whom they’re for.

  
“Oh! These.” I laughed nervously; I totally seemed like a deer in the headlights. I didn’t know what to say or why I'm even bothered. I'm just giving my wife some flowers. What's wrong with that? It shouldn't be a big deal...Okay, so maybe it could affect my chances with Wheein if she-  _Snap out of it, Byulyi-_  I can’t be thinking about some girl right now, I’m about to visit my wife. “It’s for… uhm.”

It would be easier if I just told her the truth. I want to say that its for Yong. But the questions that it would entail...I'm not sure I'm willing to talk about it yet.

Because talking about it makes it more real, and its so much easier to pretend like my wife broke up with me; in that scenario I still have a chance to get her back. But this reality...I could only see Yong in my dreams.

  
Just as I thought this day could not get worse, I see Wheein holding two cups of coffee.

  
“Hyejin, let’s--” she says as she approach near us, she stopped midsentence when she saw who Hyejin was talking to. “Oh.” She said when she recognized me. “Hi, Hamster.” She greeted but then her eyes trailed on the bouquet of flowers that’s in my hands, her eyes full of curiosity.

  
“Hey.” I said awkwardly to Wheein then looked at Seulgi for help. Hoping she knows how badly I wanted to get out of this situation.

"Aren't you going to introduce us to you friend?" Hyejin asks sounding innocent but her subtle emphasis on the word friend proved otherwise.

  
“Oh, yeah, before I forgot, Seulgi, this is Hyejin and Wheein.” I said to the woman beside me, purposely trying to dodge Hyejin and Wheein’s questioning looks, “Hyejin, Wheein, this is Seulgi.” I pointed her.

  
They shook each other’s hands right after I introduced them to each other.

I noticed how Hyejin's eyes were directed at Seulgi's ring finger. Just my luck, Irene and Seulgi's promise ring slightly resembles Yong and I's ring.

  
“Seulgi...the ex-wife?” Hyejin said chuckling, but her eyes were inquisitive, lacking of humor.

Wheein just sighed at her best friend, but she was obviously anticipating my response.

  
“Ex? Me?” Seulgi chuckled as well. “Nah. Byul has a wife but definitely not me. It really wouldn't be romantic to  bring your wife along when buying her flowers, right?” 

  
I shot her a look, she really didn't have to open her mouth for too long, but she just shrugged in response.

  
“Well, I’m sure your wife would love those flowers.” Wheein said with an unreadable expression on her face. I tried to look at her eyes to somehow see any reaction, but she was looking anywhere but me.  
I was about to protest but she didn’t give me the chance to.

  
“Anyways, we need to get going. We need to get back to the bar.” She said trying to excuse herself.

  
“Wheepup.” I called her with her nickname to make sure I'll get her attention.

  
“It’s Wheein, Mrs Moon.” She corrected me, now the disappointment was obvious in her face. And judging by the way we’re not on a nickname basis anymore and the obvious emphasis with the prefix just proves a point.

  
“See you.” I said in almost a whisper.

  
She forced a smile for me before walking away.

 

* * *

 

"So...that's the girl you were talking about?” Seulgi asked me once we were inside the car.

  
“Yes.” I simply answered.  
  
“She looks familiar. I think I’ve seen her before.” She said, but whether she knows Wheein or not is in the least of my priorities right now so I just stayed quiet.

She cleared her throat. "You should've just told her the truth if you're going to be this worried that she got the wrong idea."

"I'm not." I replied. "Why would it even matter? We're just friends. And I'm giving my wife some flowers."

"You really have to start addressing the reality sooner or later, Byul." Seulgi said carefully and gently. I snap sometimes when we talk about these things, so I understand her hesitation to speak her mind. "Living your life and moving on from your loss wouldn't mean forgetting Yongsun. I'm sure she would be happy to see you happy."

"I'd much be happier with her." I state.

"But she's not here anymore." Seulgi replies. "When will you try to accept that?" There was a lace of frustration in her voice but she tries to sound understanding.

I sighed. This is why I don't talk to my friends about Yong. Sooner or later they would try to convince me to move on.

 _What if I don't wanto to?_ "How can I possibly do that?" I ask as if we haven't had a hundred conversations regarding my question.

Its our anniversary. And I can't even give her a single kiss.

"I don't even know anymore, Byul." Seulgi sighs. "I told you a hundred times that living your life is not a crime. You should stop punishing yourself for the things that you can't control."

"Its just unfair that I get to live without her. She's a better person than I am, Seul. She should've stayed instead." I responded.

"Ya!" I was taken aback with how serious she looked, her voice rising. "Stop wondering what should've been or what could've been. You're here. You're the one who's alive and you're the one who should live."

It looked like she wanted to say more so I waited but she remained quiet, and I decided not to ask.

I wasn't sure if I'm ready to hear what she had to say anyway.

 

 


	4. Broken

Moonbyul placed the flowers beside the box marble with Yongsun’s name written in them.

  
_I miss you today._  


_I’m not saying I don’t miss you every single second of my life._  


_What I’m saying is that I miss you, especially today._  


_Today is our anniversary, did you remember?_  


_Are you celebrating it there in heaven?_  


_I don’t even know if you can call this celebrating because aren’t celebrations supposed to be happy._  
But all I could feel right now is pain and regret, Yongsun.  


_I miss you, so so much._

  
_Can you come down here and pick me up?_  


_Anyway, this is my attempt at a celebration._

_I almost didn’t want to…just to see if you would come down here and kick my ass._

 

She laughs, she remembers how cute and scary, at the same time, Yongsun is when she's mad.  


_But I wouldn’t risk it._  


_I would rather see you smile the next time I see you._  


_I didn’t want you to think, even for just a second that I have forgotten about you, my love._  


_So I brought you your favorite flower and your favorite cake._  


_Do you like them?_  


She wanted nothing more than to see Solar smile at her, silently thanking her with a simple kiss.

She smiled sadly, knowing that the lingering feeling of Solar’s kiss on her cheeks would forever remain as that: just a feeling, never a reality.

Then her mind wonders at a certain woman who she bumped into earlier, Wheein looked upset.

  
Byul thinks twice if she should tell Yongsun about it, but mentally scolds herself, shaking the idea from her mind.

_I would’ve brought some wine too but I know you hate the taste of alcohol._

She chuckles, remembering the expression Yongsun makes whenever she playfully forces Yong to take a sip at her drink.

_I didn’t drink today too, or this week in general, are you proud of me?_

_I don’t think I can promise you that I’d still be sober later though, because being here, with your name written on a piece of marble- all I want is to drink my heart out._  


_I miss you so much, Yongsun._  


_You’re my sun, you know that right? And now that you’re gone there’s nothing but darkness left in my world and I don’t know what to do._  


_Please tell me what to do_.

  
_I know our vows said til death do us part, but what am I supposed to do if I still love you after that._

 

_I still love you, Yongsun, and I’ll love you forever so please just come back here._

 

**\------------------------------------------**

 

Wheein didn’t expect to see Byul at the bar after their accidental meet up earlier that day.

  
But there she was in front of her. Ordering a bottle of beer as if nothing happened, as if she didn’t owe Wheein any explanation.

  
And what hurt Wheein more is that maybe she really didn’t. She wasn’t sure because they were just acquaintances who happened to get along very well.

  
Maybe Wheein didn’t really deserve an explanation, but it doesn’t mean that she didn’t expect it from Byul. 

 

**\------------------------------------------**

 

**Wheein’s POV:**

  
“If it isn’t Miss Moon Byulyi.” Hyejin announces as soon as she saw Byul.

  
“Hi.” Byul answered without looking up.

  
Hyejin was clearly taken aback, and so was I. Just this morning she was so warm and friendly.

  
Hyejin and I exchanged looks before she proceeded to serve other customers.

  
Maybe she had a fight with her wife?

  
“Is everything okay?” I asked before I could stop myself, silently cursing myself for asking because I’m supposed to be mad at her.

  
“Yeah. Why wouldn’t be?” she answers before taking a sip at her beer.

  
“So…did your wife like the lilies?” I asked casually, although I badly wanted to know what dampened her mood.

  
“I wouldn’t know.” She answered, drinking her beer once again. “It doesn’t matter anyway.”

  
“Then why did you bother buying her flowers in the first place?” I asked because none of her words nor her actions are making sense to me.

  
“It’s none of your business.” She said in gritted teeth, her aggression was confusing me because as far as I remember she’s the one who lied to me. I’m the one who should be mad

.  
“What is your problem?” I asked, a little offended that she’s acting hostile towards me.

 

**\------------------------------------------**

  
**Moonbyul’s POV:**

  
“You.” I answered, “Because you won’t leave me alone.” I said in frustration. She’s been invading my thoughts and confusing my feelings that it's frustrating.

  
Today is Yongsun and I’s anniversary; Yongsun should be the only person on my mind but Wheein just had to show up this morning.

  
I couldn’t stand how bothered I am when she looked so indifferent when she obviously misunderstood the situation.

  
I hate how I wanted to remove her away from my head, but somehow I ended up here.

  
I hate how I ended up here when all I wanted was to escape reality.

  
I hated how it dampened my mood when she didn’t greet me with a smile when she saw me.

  
And I hate how she keeps asking me stupid questions that I can’t answer without admitting that I like her _\- I like her. Oh shit._

 

**\------------------------------------------**

 

**Wheein’s POV:**

  
 “Well, I’m sorry. I won’t bother you anymore then.” I tried my best to hold back the tears, I shouldn’t let her words affect me, this isn’t good for my heart. She isn’t good for my heart but I couldn’t physically turn away.

  
“Good.” She replied, just above a whisper, and I felt my heart clench.

  
I sighed in disbelief, she came here to the bar that I own, just to tell me to leave her alone? _Unbelievable_.

  
Before I could think of anything to say back, a woman approached her, “Sorry, I couldn’t help but overhear, is this bartender bothering you?” the woman asks, either she didn’t know I could hear her or she just didn’t care.

  
I was looking at Byul to see her reaction, to see if she would say something…

  
“She’s the owner of this bar, actually.” She corrects her, and I couldn’t help but hold my chin up a little higher.

  
“And no, she’s not. I can handle myself.” She answered, showing no interest in the girl.

  
I hate how she easily managed to make me smile, I tried my best to hide it though by facing the opposite direction, and accommodating the other customers.

  
“I like a woman who can handle herself.” The woman comments and I couldn’t help but roll my eyes.

  
“What do you say we get out of here, and see if you can handle me?” the woman states, I almost gagged at her suggestive tone.

  
I didn’t hear Byul reject her, by this time she should be flashing her ring around the stranger like what she did to me at the park.

  
When I turned around to see her reaction she was already looking straight at me.

  
A clear “Sure.” rolled off her tongue, before turning her head to face the woman.

  
Taking the last sip from her beer, she reached her wallet from her pocket and placed a bill on the counter, leaving with the woman just like that.

  
I watched as they left the bar, right before I could hear something crack and break, I wasn’t so sure if it was my heart or the glass that I’m holding, but judging by the blood in my hand, and Hyejin’s muffled words with a concerned look on her face; it’s both.


End file.
